David’s story

They said it was staying up all night to help stop people taking their own life. Of course, I now know that there are so many different reasons why people call us, not just those in crisis, but at the time that really lodged in my mind, and I kept coming back to it. My sister’s friend was also a volunteer and after I had been badgering him for information he finally said, “Instead of asking questions, just get on and do it.” So that’s exactly what I did. That was in 1985, so I’ve been a volunteer for 40 years now.

I started as a very unconfident listening volunteer, wondering whether I could do it, but over the years I’ve taken on various roles; chair of committee, deputy director then director, and regional trainer for a while. I also became involved with Befrienders Worldwide, the international network of suicide prevention helplines, where I’m now vice chair.

As a listening volunteer, it’s a privilege to be allowed into people’s worlds. People’s worlds that we would never otherwise see, who could be dealing with all kinds of things. We can’t solve anyone’s problems, but what we can give is perspective, and that allows someone to get through a day, a night, or a week until things settle a bit.

I think by giving a person space to talk it can reduce the power of their fears, and they feel they’re not doing it on their own. Once words are said, they don’t always have the same internal power. So, if you’re bottling up and bottling up, things can feel completely overwhelming. The other thing is that so many of our callers are people who are not wanting to end their life. They are people going through tough times, so by giving them space to talk now, it can help them avoid getting to a point of crisis.

I recently spoke to someone who felt like they were really at the end of their tether, but by the end of the call they began to laugh. I will often try and bring humour into the conversation and will ask someone what makes them laugh.

There are definitely calls that stick in your mind. I remember a call one Christmas day from a guy who was really breathless. It turns out he had just been discharged from hospital with lung problems and didn’t know how long he had got left. We spoke for several hours, and it was a meaningful, powerful call.

To anyone thinking of contacting Samaritans, I would say that it’s just two humans having a conversation and communicating. One of them just happens to be occupying a particular chair.

There are also skills you develop that will benefit you in everyday life – I know that has been the case for me. For example, the ability to just accept whoever is in front of you, accept their reality. The other is to have the courage to name things; to talk to people and ask questions that others might perhaps fear. I went to a neighbour’s funeral a few weeks ago, and everyone seemed to feel uncomfortable talking to the bereaved person. But it’s the courage to go and say to that person, “This is tough, isn’t it?” Just by acknowledging that discomfort it may allow the person to say what they need to say.

Things have changed beyond measure since I joined Samaritans. There used to be only a landline phone, or people would drop in, and now we are geared by technology, so we’re so much more accessible. People can reach us whenever, however.

Samaritans has been life-changing for me. It has been the one constant in my life over the last 40 years – nothing else has. It even set me on the path to establishing my career. I trained as a psychotherapist, but without Samaritans’ recognition that I had the skills to do this, it might never have happened.

I’m still so passionate about being a Samaritan. At the moment I still feel I’m giving something to it. The key is keeping fresh. For me it’s about getting involved with new trainees because we learn from their enthusiasm. I love watching new Samaritans find their feet and seeing them grow as individuals in their own confidence and ability. It’s great being a mentor and just helping other people to give and to get. It doesn’t matter how many hours I’ve given to Samaritans; I can never give back all that I’ve gained.